Policrook

If You Fund the Science, You
Fund the 'Truth'

Welcome, future puppet masters! If you harbor an unquenchable thirst for power and you're willing to oil the gears of democracy with the slickness of deceit, this is your playbook. Here, we’re not merely stirring the pot; we’re deep-frying the very essence of truth! So roll up those sleeves, because it’s time to whip up a salacious feast of fabricated consensus seasoned with cold, hard cash.

Step One: Commission All the Right Wrong Studies
Your first move in this diabolical game? Invest in “independent studies” — those ingeniously-crafted propaganda packages disguised as scientific research. This isn’t just funding; it’s the buying of belief. You hire a cadre of “scientific experts” who can stamp your vision with the credibility of scholarly research. It’s a two-for-one deal: you buy the conclusions you want, and they buy themselves a fancy new SUV. Because let’s face it, facts are like pretzels: nicely bent, easily swallowed, and completely unrecognizable for what they are by a public too preoccupied with the latest TikTok dance craze.

Step Two: Publish, Publish, Publish!
Once you have your sugar-coated data in hand, unleash it faster than a Kardashian can release a new cologne! Speed is crucial! Hit that publish button like it’s a hot mic at a press briefing. Let your pay-for-play hypotheses shine while the actual findings wallow in obscurity; bury them deeper than a skeleton in a politician's closet. Needlessly to say, respectable journals are for suckers; post your work in venues where the audience comprises your mom and a couple of tinfoil-hat aficionados.

Step Three: Create a Consensus So Strong, It Makes a Cult Look Amateur
Now, you’re looking to foster an aura of absolute agreement. Nothing breeds trust like a throng of scientists nodding their heads in unison — it’s like a choir of credulous sycophants singing your praises. Dismiss dissent with the finesse of a snake oil salesman; brand them as purveyors of falsehood, fringe elements. In your world, deviating from the party line is akin to questioning gravity; it’s preposterous! Everyone knows that scientific debate should resemble a high school cafeteria food fight: messy, but full of entertainment value.

Step Four: Money Talks – Especially When Covered in Green
Congratulations! With every dollar you invest into your crafted narratives, you are, effectively, acquiring your own reality! Science has become a circus trick where the highest bidder controls the spotlight. Financial backing becomes the arbiter of truth, a magic wand capable of transforming dross into gold. The implications are staggering. You could publish studies claiming that the moon is made of cheese, and with sufficient funding, it would become the new consensus.

Step Five: Cash in on Chaos
As your manufactured narrative seeps into the collective consciousness, sit back and revel in the spectacle. While the rest of society squabbles like children, you can ascend to higher office, shaking your head at their gullibility. The truth is malleable, a stretchy rubber band you can mold and twist to fit any narrative you please; your vision controls the discussion while others drown in your created chaos.

Step Six: The Art of Dogma and Distrust
Finally, don your cloak of faux righteousness. With your trumped-up “scientific consensus,” you are now the self-proclaimed arbiter of truth amid a cacophony of confusion. Shovel your concocted “facts” down the throat of the public, dressed splendidly as truth! Outsider skeptics? Mere naysayers to progress. You are positioning yourself like a priest at a pulpit, preaching your gospel of distortion, and in politics, it’s never been more profitable.

Here’s your wake-up call: This isn’t some dark satire; it’s the political reality unfolding before your very eyes. By the time this system has thoroughly consumed your elected leader, you may find that integrity has been replaced with a cult of obedient followers, eager to swallow whole any narrative you manufacture. Remember, not all referees are corrupt, but the game is rigged, and the players who trust blindly only serve to perpetuate this con. Recognize this manipulation, question every study, demand transparency—because the only consensus that matters is the will of an informed citizen. If you continue to applaud these theatrics, you’ll be left choking on your own complicity, while they feast on the last scraps of integrity.