Policrook

Autobiography Is Too
Obvious. Hire Someone to Worship You Properly.

Reality is overrated, they say, and nowhere is that truer than in politics, where the truth is distilled, manipulated, and served up with a heavy side of lies that taste like sweet nectar to the eager palate of voters.
At the heart of this grand deception lies a tactic so insidious, it could give even the most seasoned con artist shivers: the crafting of a meticulously curated life story, spun to perfection by a squad of shills masquerading as biographers.
Politicians today have caught on to the fact that the average voter has the attention span of a gnat and the critical thinking skills of an overripe tomato.
Hence, they’ve tossed aside the straight-shooting autobiography for a grander scheme, employing sympathetic puppets to hammer out fictionalized sagas that redefine their very existence.
Step right up, dear constituents—welcome to the land of sycophantic storytelling, where a politician’s past is as malleable as warm wax.
Behind every great politician is a horde of hungry sycophants eager to twist the truth into an elaborate tapestry of self-aggrandizement.
From friendly journalists who wield their pens like propagandistic swords to struggling authors desperate to cash in on their own failures, these biographers become the puppet masters of a politician’s legend, unveiling a sanitized narrative that would make even the most battle-scarred historians roll their eyes.
Why serve facts when you can serve fiction on a silver platter, complete with extravagant garnishes and a side of implausible heroics?
But it doesn't stop there.
No, the strategy grows as the narrative thickens.
Fearful of the skeletons rattling in their closets, these politicians cultivate a selective memoir rife with ‘heroic misquotes.’ You know the drill: quote yourself in the third person, because if you’re going to rewrite history, might as well make it sound epic.
“Politician X, that brilliant beacon of integrity, once said, ‘Follow me into glory!’” Glory indeed—mere metaphors will never be able to encapsulate the glittering façade they’ve crafted as they strut to the podium, riding a tidal wave of adoration.
They’ve turned the act of governing into a theatrical performance, with themselves playing the role of a heroic savior, diligently battling the ominous forces of ‘Ninja Politics’ trying to undermine their brilliance.
Step outside the charade for just a moment, and you’ll see it all clearly.
These self-styled legends don’t just write their stories—they control the very pen that scripts history.
When a politician gets to define themselves as a hero, they’re not just pacifying their own sense of inadequacy; they’re rewriting the narrative to ensure no one ever dares to speak against them.
If you’re the author of your own saga, why allow your opponents to cast you as the villain?
This tactic is the ultimate defense mechanism—not against criticism but against any legitimate consequence of their actions.
The narrative isn’t just spun to entertain; it’s weaponized in a brutal campaign to snuff out opposition and render dissent impotent.
Every cloak of personal tragedy they wrap around themselves is a calculated move—a grand act of misdirection designed to tug at the heartstrings while simultaneously slashing at the fabric of transparent governance.
Desperate for sympathy, many politicians resort to tragic backstories crafted to evoke a melodrama seldom found outside of daytime television.
Did you spill juice on your parents’ carpet?
Great—wonderful! Distill that into a sob story about betrayal and emerge as an empathic figure bravely wading through the treacherous waters of a cruel political landscape.
Because, let’s be honest, victimhood is the hottest trend and bad experiences can be monetized.
Yet, as they rattle on about their “commitment” to justice and democracy, the irony drips like poison off their tongues, rarely connecting their hollow proclamations with reality.
As they glorify patriotism, waving flags with one hand while stuffing their pockets with the other, the narrative remains clever enough to distract from their actions.
Who needs genuine sacrifice when you’ve got a few rehearsed lines about “sacred duty” delivered with enough tears to fill a swimming pool?
By the time the system is done with your chosen leader, they’ll have crafted a myth as impregnable as a fortress, insulated from scrutiny by a sea of misguided loyalty.
Your trust will have been pieced together like an elaborate oil painting, only for it to run when rain hits the canvas of harsh reality.
Don’t let yourself become just another spectator in this grand fraud of democracy.
Remember this: the real villains are not the institutions themselves but the politicians frantically at work to corrode their integrity in favor of raw influence and obedience.
Voter, if you don’t learn to spot this carefully woven fiction, you’ll continue to applaud your own exploitation while they lounge in their ivory towers, basking in the glow of fabricated grandeur.
Your awareness is your armor; guard it fiercely against their enchanting lies.
Stand resolute against the seductive charm of their counterfactual tales—because if you can't see the smoke and mirrors, you'll be left drooling over nothing but the ashes of your own trust.