Policrook

Investigate Thoroughly. Conclude
Generously.

Ah, the well-orchestrated play known as the "Independent Inquiry" — the political magician's ultimate sleight of hand. Have you ever wondered why the phrase “accountability” seems to melt away like snow in the spring sun? It’s simple: when politicians are caught red-handed, they don’t just sweep the dirt under the rug; they hire a beautiful, hand-woven Persian rug and invite the cleaning crew — their friends — to dance around it. This isn’t just negligence; it’s a deliberate strategy, a conniving ballet orchestrated to maintain the status quo and affix a ‘clean slate’ sticker on their questionable actions.

Step One: Handpick Your Henchmen. The first act of this political circus involves gathering a crew of cronies who’d sell their mothers for a position at the table. These aren’t just your average Joe Schmoes — they’re the crème de la crème of sycophancy, those who’ve mastered the art of turning a blind eye while actively polishing your facade. Best of all, these loyal soldiers come pre-packaged with pre-determined conclusions: “You, my dear leader, are nothing short of a saint!” When the inquiry rolls in, your allies will gloriously murmur sweet nothings that transform your misdeeds into mere misunderstandings.

Step Two: Staff With Your Lackeys. Once you’ve assembled your band of merry misfits, it’s time to hire the real muscle — that complacent cadre of loyalists who not only owe you favors but are also experts at creating a narrative that glosses over your failings. Imagine a courtroom filled with golden retrievers eager to fetch whatever bone you toss; that’s your inquiry commission, fully equipped with wagging tails and eager smiles. They’ll stifle their surprise when you throw out findings that don’t implicate anyone — least of all you.

Step Three: Misdirection Over Truth. Ah, the pièce de résistance: as the inquiry unfolds, leverage that expertise in obfuscation to redirect blame. “Systemic issues” become the boogeyman behind every scandal, while you bask in the sweet light of innocence. It’s like commissioning an art piece that’s so abstract it can’t possibly reflect reality. But why take accountability when you can hand over the keys to ambiguity and let others torpedo the blame?

Step Four: Selective Reporting. Enter the exit strategy: a clean bill of health from trusted allies disguised as independent entities. “What scandal?” the headlines will shriek. And like a well-trained pack of lapdogs, the media will rejoice, raving over the miraculous investigation that left no stone unturned — except the boulder that just happens to be tied to your political career. You’ll glance at those headlines with a knowing smirk; it’s a dance of deception practiced on a stage where the audience is too busy applauding to see the strings controlling the puppets.

Step Five: A Toast to the Unsuspecting. Now, as the dust settles and the circus tent is dismantled, take a deep breath and enjoy your victory — until the next circus comes to town. Revel in the arrogance of your unscathed persona, sharing chuckles with your network of colluding players who secured your climb back onto the pedestal. Remember, it’s all part of the game — a brutal performance art where integrity is the primary casualty.

So here’s the harsh truth stripped of its layers: this isn’t just another political performance; it’s a calculated con game where the rules of power replace the foundation of governance. You, the audience, are left to lick your wounds while the puppeteers feign innocence and march bravely into their next term. They wear masks of service while the puppeteers master the craft of deception.

Wake-Up Call: You, the voter, must rise from this malaise of manipulation. The lesson for you is this: don’t clap for the show when it’s merely sleight of hand. Question, probe, demand proof — the next time your trusted politician cooks up another “independent inquiry,” remember they’re rolling out a buffet of denials while the very integrity of our democracy goes cold and unappreciated. It’s not the institutions failing you; it’s the politicians who’ve chosen loyalty over honesty, paving their paths with your faith. Pay attention, because the next time it’s your trust on the chopping block, you might just find they’ve gone from public servants to puppeteers poised to pull your strings.